The Christmas Tree I Could Not Put Up

Last year, the holidays did not feel real.
Danny had just passed, and everything around us was blurred. We were surrounded by people, meals, calls, and constant noise. It felt like the world was holding us up because we did not know how to stand on our own yet. Shock protected us from the full weight of what had just happened.

Now we are here again in the second season without him.
And in many ways, this year feels harder.

Last year, we were never alone. Friends and family stopped by, checked in, and made sure the house was always filled with something to distract us from the silence. Today the house is much quieter. Not in a bad way, but in a way that makes everything feel more real.

A few weeks ago, I went into the basement to pull out our Christmas tree. The same tree we used for years. The one he always fluffed because he said I didn't fluff it enough. The one we decorated together every December with ornaments we collected over time. Some from holidays, some from trips, many from Luca's childhood, and some that were simple and silly but meant everything to us.

One of them had his initial on it. The letter D.

I stood there, staring at the box, and my chest tightened.
I could not open it.
I could not reach for a single ornament.
I could not face the pieces of a life that looked so different now.

The reality was too heavy.
The memories were too sharp.
The grief felt too fresh, even a year later.

So, I closed the box.
Walked away.
And bought a brand-new tree.

Not because the old one was damaged.
Not because I wanted a new tradition.
But because my heart was not ready to touch the tree, we built our life around. I could not unpack a version of our family that does not exist in the same way anymore.

The new tree arrived a few days later. Simple. Neutral. A blank canvas with no memories attached. Decorating it felt quieter and slower. It felt different, but it felt manageable. And right now, manageable is enough.

Grief works in strange rhythms.
Some things you can do.
Some things you cannot.
Some moments feel possible, and others feel impossible.

This time of year, is complicated.
There are moments that feel peaceful and warm.
There are also moments where the silence feels loud and the missing feels heavier.

Last year was survival.
This year is reality.

So, I have been creating small pockets of comfort.
Soft lighting in the evenings.
Warm blankets.
Candles that make the house feel alive.
Simple holiday touches that feel gentle instead of overwhelming. Nothing rushed. Nothing forced.

If you are moving through your own season of grief or change, I hope you know that what you are feeling is valid. You do not have to open the boxes you are not ready to open. You do not have to follow traditions that are too painful. You can create new moments and keep old ones safely tucked away until your heart feels stronger.

Below are a few cozy things that have helped bring peace to my home this season. This post contains affiliate links. As an Amazon Affiliate, I earn commission of qualified purchases.

24" Norfolk Pine Christmas Wreath

A Norfolk pine wreath that adds quiet holiday beauty to any space. The lifelike branches create an airy, effortless look that feels warm and inviting on doors, walls, or mantels. Keep it simple or style it with ribbon or bells for a personal touch. A timeless piece for calm, cozy holiday decorating.

LUXE Chunky Knit Blanket Throw

A beautifully crafted chunky knit throw that brings soft luxury to any room. The cream chenille yarn has a smooth, comforting feel and the thick cable knit adds quiet texture that elevates your space. Drape it over a sofa, layer it at the foot of your bed, or keep it nearby for slow, cozy evenings. This timeless piece blends warmth, style, and gentle simplicity that feels right at home.

Thymes Frasier Fir Pine Needle Candle

A classic holiday candle that fills your home with the fresh, calming scent of crisp Siberian fir. Notes of cedarwood and sandalwood create a warm, grounding fragrance that feels like winter mornings and quiet forest air. The 6.5 ounce glass jar adds a simple, elegant touch to any room and makes a thoughtful seasonal gift. A beautiful way to bring a little holiday comfort into your space.

Farmhouse Knitted Christmas Stockings

A soft and beautifully textured set of three knitted stockings in warm white and beige. The simple farmhouse design brings a calm, rustic feel to your holiday décor and blends effortlessly with boho and neutral styles. Each 18 inch stocking has space for personalization and hangs beautifully on mantels, stair rails, or bedroom hooks. A thoughtful and inviting touch for creating a cozy holiday home.